Tuesday, April 11, 2017

I - 5 tips for dating an Introvert


Opposites, they say, attract. Well, in my case, it worked exactly that way! The self-confessed, extrovert in me found itself being attracted to the painfully shy introvert in my husband! While I was loud and outspoken and brash, he was so soft-spoken and polite that I wondered how we hit it off in the first place! He was vehemently opposed to noise and I loved being outdoors! I was at times so scared that I might do or say that could offend or hurt him. But over time, I learnt what a gift it is for an extrovert like me to be married to an introvert like him.

Here are 5 tips for you, especially if you are an extrovert and your partner happens to be an introvert.

Find the middle path.
It is a given that both like to do things differently and also enjoy different things. But the trick is to find the middle path.  For example, I realised that hubby hates the outdoors because he abhors the crowds and the noise. So, we planned our outings to places that are not as crowded and yet fun to be. I am quite at home in a sea of people and have a lot of friends but he prefers a closed unit. Amongst us, we have a smaller circle of friends, that is not too small and not too large, but it is extremely close knit.

Don’t push beyond their limit.
Even if your partner is an introvert, they will do their best to accommodate your desires and fancies, if they love you. But in the zeal to get them to do more, don’t push them beyond their limits and don’t try to change them. Introverts tend to withdraw further if you try to keep poking - very much like a tortoise. It might, however, take a few trials and errors to know how far your partner will go.

Be patient.
Introverts are not always shy and wrapped up in their cocoons. They can sometimes surprise you with their candor. The trick is to be patient. As tempting as it might get to flood their ears with your sweet cooing, learn to listen. It helps if you know what their interests are and you are able to start a conversation with such topics. They might speak little but it’s pretty enlightening to hear them speak if you can keep quiet for some time!   

It’s okay to do things separately.
Disagreements are commonplace when you want to do everything together. But like chalk and cheese, extroverts and introverts have a lot in uncommon! Resist the urge to plan all your time together. If there are things that you really want to do, go ahead with you gang but don’t drag the reluctant partner with you. The space that you give each other will make the relationship stronger as will the time that you spend together.

Go easy on the PDA.
It is quite a normal reaction for an extrovert to expect and show a lot of PDA. But Introverts are not really into PDA the way you want them to be. They have their own way of showing affection which might be much more meaningful and deep. If you find that your partner is not comfortable with it, don’t embarrass them by persisting with your overtures. 
The same goes for expecting compliments, thank-yous, that's-so-sweet-of-yous, you-are-best, etc etc. 
  

 Are you and your partner an extrovert-introvert combination? Does it work in your favour or against it? 

13 comments:

  1. Hahahah - great post, great read sweetie:-) for us- extrovert, extrovert works best... But still there are times when you just want to be left alone- it works too. Wish you all the best my dear... mutual respect and love is the most important I guess:-)nxxx

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  2. Thank god both of us moderate extroverts so it suits us both fine

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  3. Thank god both of us moderate extroverts so it suits us both fine

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  4. I love that tortoise analogy! Could so relate to it!

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  5. It is exactly the same with me and my husband too dear. And like you said, it is patience which has worked wonder for our relationship. Sometimes I feel why doesn't he shouts loud his feelings got me ever and the next moment I realize his love speaks through his actions. He had been cooking for the past three days as I have burnt by face and right arm and also taking care of my medicines as everything. Sorry for being that long, I guess introverts love you more deeply.

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    1. That is so true, Roma. They love you deeply, but can rarely express it in words. Instead, they do a lot of nice things for you, remember your little likes and dislikes... background stuff you know!

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  6. Yes, KG and I are extrovert-introvert partners and it works well for us, because we sort of balance each other. At large get-togethers, I dont have to make an extra effort to be social, so the pressure is off me and that's a big one for me :D

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  7. Some posts have chosen this word today. Is the blog-world full of introverts?

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    Eva - Mail Adventures

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  8. Introverts and PDA!! hahaha I can imagine how awkward the situation can become :P Yes, one needs to be very patient with them.

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  9. I was nodding my head all along... throughout this post!
    I am an introvert. I will try my level best to get out of any situation where I'll find a crowd and noise. I even tend to avoid Big Bazaar on weekends!
    And all my close friends say I have this shell, which I retreat into every now and then.
    As for PDAs... haah! The less said the better! :D
    Loved this post. I'm going to make my future partner read it if I ever find him! :D
    Happy AtoZing!
    Chicky @ www.mysteriouskaddu.com

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  10. Oh my God!! This post at the moment has resolved so many issues lying in my head! I'm an extrovert and married to an introvert and sometimes we face so many issues but reading this post makes me feel so much better and gives a new perspective altogether!
    I'm glad I came here today :)

    Cheers
    BoisterousBee

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  11. With the PDA part, my partner is an introvert. Otherwise I think we complement (and compliment) each other rather well! :-)

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  12. I have observed that out of 100 couples 90 are always the opposite of each other. One has to be an introvert and the other an extrovert, but I feel they kind of balance each other that way. Imagine two introverts together..so boring! Or for that matter two extroverts... no one around them gets to talk! I'm glad you have worked your way around your hubby. :)

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At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person..deep gratitude for those who have lighted the flame within me!! your comments will be appreciated..

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